Bad Dad Read online

  “It’s Queenie II!” replied Dad. “I salvaged everything I could, and added some bits from the scrapyard. Her heart is still the same, though.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I wanted to keep it a surprise for the newlyweds.”

  “Oh, thank you so much, Gilbert!” exclaimed Reverend Judith.

  “What a super way to drive to the seaside honeymoon! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” added Auntie Flip. “It almost makes up for me having to spend a night in prison for you!”

  “Sorry about that,” said Frank.

  “So who wants to drive?” asked Dad, dangling the car keys.

  “I’ll drive!” said Auntie Flip.

  “No, no, I’ll drive!” said Reverend Judith.

  “They are having their first argument as a married couple!” observed Raj as he threw what looked like confetti over them. “That didn’t take long.”

  Auntie Flip started trying to pick the pieces out of her hair. “What is this stuff, Raj?”

  “Oh, I had some mini marshmallows that were well past their sell-by date, so I thought I would use them instead.”

  “Thank you, Raj,” replied Reverend Judith with a hint of sarcasm as she picked the gloopy balls out of her hair. “We can eat these later.”

  “I wouldn’t,” said the newsagent. “They were going mouldy.”

  “Eurgh!”

  The crowd waved as the car zoomed off down the street.

  ROAR!

  “Careful! I need her back in one piece!” shouted Dad after them.

  “You aren’t going to race her again?” asked Frank.

  “No, you are, mate.”

  “Me?”

  “Yeah! If you want to. You are a ruddy good driver already.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “And I can teach you everything I know.”

  The boy smiled. “We make a good team, Dad.”

  “We certainly do, mate.”

  The pair walked away from the church.

  “Your mother sent me a letter,” began Dad.

  “Oh yes?” replied the boy.

  “She wants to pop over to the flat next week. Just for a cup of tea. See how you are. What do you think?”

  Frank pondered this. “Yes. A cup of tea. I think that’s a good start.”

  “A fresh start,” replied Dad.

  “We’ll have to ask her to bring a tea bag, though,” joked Frank.

  “And some milk.”

  “And sugar!”

  “And hot water.”

  “Apart from that we’ve got everything we need to make the perfect cup of tea!”

  As Frank and his father crossed the park on their way back to their block of flats, they passed the wishing well. Dad searched deep in his trouser pockets for a coin. He found a penny.

  “This is all I’ve got, mate,” said Dad. “Do you want to make a wish? Like old times?”

  He held out his hand for his son to take the coin. Frank looked at it.

  “I don’t need to make a wish.”

  “Why?”

  “I’ve got nothing left to wish for. All I ever wanted, all I ever needed, was you. My dad.”

  “You are my best mate, son.”

  “And you are my best mate, Dad. Always and forever. Now come on.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “Raj’s!” exclaimed the boy. “We have a whole one p to splash out with!”

  “You better not spend it all at once!”

  The pair of best friends shared a smile, and walked off together with their arms round each other in a very special huggle.

  They may have only had one pence to spend, but their hearts beamed with gold.

  Footnotes

  Chapter 1: Roar!

  * A huggle was what the pair called their special embrace. It was halfway between a hug and a cuddle, hence the name.

  Chapter 7: Death by Poetry

  * The longest recorded number two took four whole days to deliver. It was by fifty-stone opera tenor Antonio Lasagnotti. It was the length of a football pitch.

  Chapter 26: Hot Pursuit

  * Tobottoming

  Enjoyed this story? Then CLICK on the covers below for more laugh-out-loud reads from your favourite writer!

  And coming soon …

  And don’t miss these hilarious picture books for children of ages 3 and up

  A mischievous new picture book packed with snow and surprises!

  And have the read the hilarious stories of the world’s worst children?

  For younger readers, have you read the brilliantly funny Boogie Bear and other picture Books by David Walliams?

  Previously written by David Walliams:

  THE BOY IN THE DRESS

  MR STINK

  BILLIONAIRE BOY

  GANGSTA GRANNY

  RATBURGER

  DEMON DENTIST

  AWFUL AUNTIE

  GRANDPA’S GREAT ESCAPE

  THE MIDNIGHT GANG

  Illustrated in glorious colour:

  THE WORLD’S WORST CHILDREN

  THE WORLD’S WORST CHILDREN 2

  Also available in picture book:

  THE SLIGHTLY ANNOYING ELEPHANT

  THE FIRST HIPPO ON THE MOON

  THE QUEEN’S ORANG-UTAN

  THE BEAR WHO WENT BOO!

  THERE’S A SNAKE IN MY SCHOOL!

  BOOGIE BEAR

  About the Publisher

  Australia

  HarperCollinsPublishers Pty Ltd

  Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street

  Sydney, NSW 2000

  www.harpercollins.com.au

  Canada

  HarperCollinsCanada

  2 Bloor Street East - 20th Floor

  Toronto, ON, M4W, 1A8

  www.harpercollins.ca

  New Zealand

  HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

  P.O. Box 1

  Auckland

  www.harpercollins.co.nz

  United Kingdom

  HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

  1 London Bridge Street

  London, SE1 9GF

  www.harpercollins.co.uk

  United States

  HarperCollinsPublishers Inc.

  195 Broadway

  New York, NY 10007

  www.harpercollins.com